Back to the present

I had planned to go back to take one of Bounthong's plants from the living room—Seuth had said that he didn't want to keep them, and I love those plants because they remind me of Bounthong. Thuy and I both thought that they would make great souvenirs, so when we left on Sunday, we both told him that we'd be back to pick them up.

After I finished working, walked Patica, had dinner, and took a shower, I called the apartment to tell them that I'd be on my way soon. Seuth answered the phone, so I chatted with him. Knowing that he is quick to throw away things that he doesn't want to deal with, I jokingly asked, "You haven't thrown away my plant yet, have you?" Imagine my surprise when he told me that yes, in fact, he had. I pressed him on the matter, thinking he was messing with me. "No, I'm not kidding," he claimed.

I started to cry; the lump in my throat left me speechless. Even though I knew that Seuth was grieving, too, and that everyone has a different way of dealing with grief, I couldn't believe that he could have been so selfish as to throw away something I had specifically told him I wanted as a souvenir. I was so angry that I changed my plans for the evening and stayed home.

Later, I thought to myself, yes, I am being selfish, because it was all about me! My pain was about all those times I had been there for Bounthong (and for him, because he didn't understand the doctors and wouldn't ask questions, or so he wouldn't have to miss work)—from the doctor visit in April 2006 that led straight to Exeter Hospital, where I spent all day translating for nurses and doctors; to the Lahey Clinic, where Bounthong had a full hysterectomy "plus"; to later trips back to Lahey, to the oncologist, to the blood lab, to the radiologist, to the pharmacy, to wherever I could find Evian water, and more. All I could think was, I've done all this for you, and you couldn't see your way to giving me something that would make me happy and that you didn't want anyway?

I knew that Bounthong would have given him a good tongue lashing if she were there, because she understood that the sentimentality behind a well-chosen gift imparts positive energy to the object, no matter what it is—and she certainly didn't throw things away that still had a good purpose to serve!